forgot to mention that the poem his parents posted as part of their remembrance of him -- that was the poem we randomly chose as part of our wedding.
I can only hope they have peace and understanding that their son has inspired a whole lot more than they realize.
Monday, July 18, 2011
James Sikes; or, What I Learned Tonight
I am not qualified to write this post. I have no training in love and loss, except for the inevitably and, ultimately, timely, loss of my grandparents. Can any loss be timely?
I think it can.
I don't show my emotions on my sleeve. I probably never have; no matter how many times my bleeding teenage-angsty-emo-heart told me I did. It's why I was a terrible actress -- I could never fake it because I never showed it in the first place.
I hated losing my grandmothers. I lost my one (still living) grandfather when I was 6 or 7 or maybe 5. I associate it with missing a trip to Disney world -- how tragic is that? I was tragic. I didn't understand.
I lost my father's mother a few years ago. Her loss was so hard and so difficult and so painful that I couldn't handle it. I can be honest about this now. I couldn't handle it. I lost her -- and so many lost her -- to a disease no human could control. Only God could. And He took her. And that was that.
I lost my mother's mother this year. She lived through my wedding, though she couldn't attend. I read her eulogy without a tear in my eye; though many tears were shed. A lot of people say I'm strong like my father.
The truth is...I'm not strong...like my father.
My father cried when I would bring my little black dog back to Annapolis, MD when I was living there. He would cry when a movie had a really touching father/child moment. I would always tease him..."Why cry now? What's wrong with you? This isn't even sad! It's not your life!" Maybe one teasing or another. Never all at once.
The truth is...we cry. My Dad and I cry when it DOESN'T effect us. My grandparents died and I never cried a day for them. My father never cried at my wedding. When it doesn't effect us directly -- I think that's when we feel it the most. That's when I feel it the most.
So...I'm too wordy. Here's my point.
I've never cried more than I have over this little boy tonight.
This little boy is James Camden Sikes. He went to be with God on July 15, 2011 -- Saturday -- at 3:50 PM. His life was fragile from late June when he was diagnosed with a brain tumor that would eventually, despite surgery and hospitals and all our earthly medicines, take him from the world.
I can't help but believe that this child was meant to take me in a different direction. Is this selfish? Yes. Am I typing this late in the night because I finally read their blog this evening in bed? Yes. Do I feel God and the Holy Ghost and Jesus in one strong powerful force? Yes.
I've never felt this before.
I was in bed when I read his blog (found HERE: http://jamescamdensikes.blogspot.com/) and I couldn't stop weeping. I mean -- even now, actually -- tears are streaming down my face. This baby was the son of a couple whose wife was sorority sisters with a woman I met on a cruise ship when I was in 9th grade. There is no close-knit connection.
But...when I read about James I felt drawn to his story. God was calling me to it. I kept up with it from the time Jen posted about it (blog found HERE: http://themcradys.blogspot.com/). I've been updating my husband on it. And now...I guess the story has abruptly ended.
But not quite.
My husband and I are not (were not?) planning on having kids. I can say that to the internet world, right? I can absolutely say I hate kids. My husband is not partial to them either. We don't (didn't?) like them.
James rocked my world.
I can't tell you what I think -- are kids right for us? Are they not? Maybe? Does one little boy change our lives?
And I think the answer is a resounding yes.
I've loved other little ones. In small doses. Knowing they are not mine.
But, Mr. Jamesie, your legacy has left a legion of child lovers in your wake. Is that a small consolation prize for you no longer being here? Yep. There's no replacement for you. But I hope you know in heaven tonight that you're right here with us -- always. You're the inspiration. And -- no matter what happens in my life -- you'll be close to my heart always.
Rest in Peace.
I think it can.
I don't show my emotions on my sleeve. I probably never have; no matter how many times my bleeding teenage-angsty-emo-heart told me I did. It's why I was a terrible actress -- I could never fake it because I never showed it in the first place.
I hated losing my grandmothers. I lost my one (still living) grandfather when I was 6 or 7 or maybe 5. I associate it with missing a trip to Disney world -- how tragic is that? I was tragic. I didn't understand.
I lost my father's mother a few years ago. Her loss was so hard and so difficult and so painful that I couldn't handle it. I can be honest about this now. I couldn't handle it. I lost her -- and so many lost her -- to a disease no human could control. Only God could. And He took her. And that was that.
I lost my mother's mother this year. She lived through my wedding, though she couldn't attend. I read her eulogy without a tear in my eye; though many tears were shed. A lot of people say I'm strong like my father.
The truth is...I'm not strong...like my father.
My father cried when I would bring my little black dog back to Annapolis, MD when I was living there. He would cry when a movie had a really touching father/child moment. I would always tease him..."Why cry now? What's wrong with you? This isn't even sad! It's not your life!" Maybe one teasing or another. Never all at once.
The truth is...we cry. My Dad and I cry when it DOESN'T effect us. My grandparents died and I never cried a day for them. My father never cried at my wedding. When it doesn't effect us directly -- I think that's when we feel it the most. That's when I feel it the most.
So...I'm too wordy. Here's my point.
I've never cried more than I have over this little boy tonight.
This little boy is James Camden Sikes. He went to be with God on July 15, 2011 -- Saturday -- at 3:50 PM. His life was fragile from late June when he was diagnosed with a brain tumor that would eventually, despite surgery and hospitals and all our earthly medicines, take him from the world.
I can't help but believe that this child was meant to take me in a different direction. Is this selfish? Yes. Am I typing this late in the night because I finally read their blog this evening in bed? Yes. Do I feel God and the Holy Ghost and Jesus in one strong powerful force? Yes.
I've never felt this before.
I was in bed when I read his blog (found HERE: http://jamescamdensikes.blogspot.com/) and I couldn't stop weeping. I mean -- even now, actually -- tears are streaming down my face. This baby was the son of a couple whose wife was sorority sisters with a woman I met on a cruise ship when I was in 9th grade. There is no close-knit connection.
But...when I read about James I felt drawn to his story. God was calling me to it. I kept up with it from the time Jen posted about it (blog found HERE: http://themcradys.blogspot.com/). I've been updating my husband on it. And now...I guess the story has abruptly ended.
But not quite.
My husband and I are not (were not?) planning on having kids. I can say that to the internet world, right? I can absolutely say I hate kids. My husband is not partial to them either. We don't (didn't?) like them.
James rocked my world.
I can't tell you what I think -- are kids right for us? Are they not? Maybe? Does one little boy change our lives?
And I think the answer is a resounding yes.
I've loved other little ones. In small doses. Knowing they are not mine.
But, Mr. Jamesie, your legacy has left a legion of child lovers in your wake. Is that a small consolation prize for you no longer being here? Yep. There's no replacement for you. But I hope you know in heaven tonight that you're right here with us -- always. You're the inspiration. And -- no matter what happens in my life -- you'll be close to my heart always.
Rest in Peace.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
My grandmother, Big Mom...
I read this eulogy at my grandmother's funeral. At my family's request, the text is posted here in full.
The people gathered here today called the woman whose life we’re celebrating by many names: she was a wife, a mother, a sister, a grandmother – but, perhaps the name she was best known by, was Big Mom.
At 5 foot some inches tall and never reaching 100 lbs. , Big Mom was, by no means, big in stature. When I was little, my friends would giggle when I would tell them I had a Big Mom and she was littler than my “regular” Mom.
But, what she lacked in stature, she made up for in personality.
She was notorious for calling it as she saw it – my father has told me this story since I was little but when he first met Big Mom, it was a Sunday morning and he was picking up my mom to go to King’s Dominion, a theme park outside of Richmond. He rang the doorbell and Big Mom answered – surprised, he said, “Oh, Ms. Phillips, I thought you would be at church.”
Without missing a beat, Big Mom looked him up and down, obviously noting his tennis shoes, shorts, t-shirt and said “And, it looks like you just came from church.”
I was really young when my grandfather and Big Mom’s husband, Big Dad, passed away; and the timing between that day and when Big Mom moved in with my parents and I is hazy, at best. I remember when she fell and broke her hip in my parents’ kitchen on a visit to New Jersey and I remember the drive to the hospital that night – I was maybe 8 years old, she was around 82 or 83 – old enough that we knew a fall of that magnitude and a life altering hip break could have been fatal. But, it wasn’t – after a hip replacement and intense rounds of physical therapy, Big Mom came back from that fall with a vengeance.
That was 15 years ago.
She was a force in my house – never underestimate the power of having your mother’s mother around when you’re a pre-teen and a teenager – Big Mom was always there when I needed a shoulder to cry on, or when life was too tough. If Mom and Dad wouldn’t give me any more allowance, Big Mom could always find a “chore” for me to do to earn that $5. Or, when all the crazy hormones were flying in my teen years, Big Mom would always be the one to tell me that I was beautiful and that my mother was the one who was nuts (even if it was clearly me.)
Even as she became increasingly unable to cook and clean and do laundry for herself, she maintained a fierce independence. If she could do it for herself, she did it; and she did it without fear.
She was a proud woman: proud of her family, proud of her grandkids and her great-grandkids; and fearless of “old age.” She read the Bible and studied it in books with increasingly larger fonts; she completed crossword puzzle after crossword puzzle to keep her mind sharp. She had an uncanny ability to win Yahtzee game after Yahtzee game. And, she loved Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune. If you had the chance to watch Watson the supercomputer on Jeopardy the other day – well, Big Mom was kinda like that.
We used to say that Big Mom was like a cat – she had 9 lives. When she would get sick or something would happen where we would need to go to the hospital, this family would rally around her. Many people here spent countless nights with Big Mom in the hospital. We’ve read her many Bible verses, completed many crossword puzzles with her.
About 2 years ago, Doctors thought that it might be Big Mom’s time. She seemed to understand that this was the consensus – all of the family came to visit her in the hospital. We were filling out a crossword puzzle and no one could figure out a 4-letter word for a musical instrument when, from the hospital bed, we heard her faintly say, “Oboe.”
Later that week, Big Mom and I had a few minutes alone in the hospital. She looked at me and said, “I think I might die, now.” We always had a relationship where I was very honest with her and I told her, honestly, “I think you might, too.” She seemed to process this information for a minute, and then she said – “But, maybe not.”
She was right – it wasn’t her time, then. But it was her time, now.
Now, you can be sad – I’m sure there’ve been many tears these last few days as we mourn our loss of such a powerful light in all of our lives; but I’d like you to think about this: Big Mom was alive to see every major life event of all of her grandchildren. That’s a blessing.
Even more so – Big Mom was around to have real relationships with all of her great-grandchildren. That’s a blessing.
She wrote in the front of her Bible the “Keys to a Happy New Year” from Norman Vincent Peale’s “The Power of Positive Thinking:”
“Keep your heart free from hate, your mind from worry. Live simply, give much. Fill your life with love. Scatter sunshine, forget self. Do as you would be done to. Try this for a week and you will be surprised.”
Big Mom didn’t just try that for a week – she tried for all 97 years of her life. We could do worse than to emulate her habits.
Saturday morning, my mother was going through some of Big Mom’s Bibles. The Bible surprised her when it fell open to a verse Big Mom, herself, had bracketed off. 2 Timothy, 4: 6-8:
“I say this because I won’t be around to help you very much longer. My time has almost run out. Very soon now I will be on my way to heaven. I have fought long and hard for my Lord, and through it all I have kept true to him. And now the time has come for me to stop fighting and rest. In heaven a crown is waiting for me which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will give me on that great day of his return. And not just to me, but to all those whose lives show that they are eagerly looking forward to his coming again.”
For those of us that saw Big Mom after she passed, I’d like to offer this: Big Mom lost her husband almost 20 years ago, her friends have gone through the years, her two favorite dogs – Maddy and Samantha – are gone. And the woman was convinced by doctors for the past 60 years that a sugary dessert would put her in the grave. Can you imagine a world without chocolate?
She staid for us. She lived for us and for the Lord. Now it’s time to let her go be with all of the others who she loved and lost in order to be there for us.
Big Mom passed with her mouth open but, if I had to hedge my bets, I’m willing to say that she wasn’t trying to say Goodbye to all of us – that was what the Bible verse was for.
She was about to say a big ol’ “Hello” to the Lord, take her crown and hold hands with Big Dad. She was about to feed Maddy and Samantha from a dinner table in heaven. She was about to eat a huge piece of chocolate cake.
Now is the time for Big Mom to stop fighting and rest. She scattered her sunshine. She filled her life with love.
And, though we mourn OUR loss of this woman whom we loved, we must also celebrate her life and now, her time in heaven.
Come to think of it, Big Mom was really a pretty “Big” person, afterall.
Let us pray:
Dear God,
It’s me, Kimmi. I’m down here with a whole bunch of people who want to let you know that you’ve got a very special lady up there with you. If you could see it in your heart to give her a message for us, we’d appreciate it: We love you, Big Mom. We thank you for the years of love and devotion and sunshine you gave us. We thank you for your life devoted to Christ and the example you set for us to live up to. We thank you for being a true Christian and for loving us and being there for us. You are missed more than you could possibly know.
God, thank you for letting us have her as long as we could – we know heaven is a better place now for her presence. Please provide us with the comfort we need to mourn our loss and still celebrate her life. Please keep her safe and, God? Get that Yahtzee board fired up for her. She likes that.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.
The people gathered here today called the woman whose life we’re celebrating by many names: she was a wife, a mother, a sister, a grandmother – but, perhaps the name she was best known by, was Big Mom.
At 5 foot some inches tall and never reaching 100 lbs. , Big Mom was, by no means, big in stature. When I was little, my friends would giggle when I would tell them I had a Big Mom and she was littler than my “regular” Mom.
But, what she lacked in stature, she made up for in personality.
She was notorious for calling it as she saw it – my father has told me this story since I was little but when he first met Big Mom, it was a Sunday morning and he was picking up my mom to go to King’s Dominion, a theme park outside of Richmond. He rang the doorbell and Big Mom answered – surprised, he said, “Oh, Ms. Phillips, I thought you would be at church.”
Without missing a beat, Big Mom looked him up and down, obviously noting his tennis shoes, shorts, t-shirt and said “And, it looks like you just came from church.”
I was really young when my grandfather and Big Mom’s husband, Big Dad, passed away; and the timing between that day and when Big Mom moved in with my parents and I is hazy, at best. I remember when she fell and broke her hip in my parents’ kitchen on a visit to New Jersey and I remember the drive to the hospital that night – I was maybe 8 years old, she was around 82 or 83 – old enough that we knew a fall of that magnitude and a life altering hip break could have been fatal. But, it wasn’t – after a hip replacement and intense rounds of physical therapy, Big Mom came back from that fall with a vengeance.
That was 15 years ago.
She was a force in my house – never underestimate the power of having your mother’s mother around when you’re a pre-teen and a teenager – Big Mom was always there when I needed a shoulder to cry on, or when life was too tough. If Mom and Dad wouldn’t give me any more allowance, Big Mom could always find a “chore” for me to do to earn that $5. Or, when all the crazy hormones were flying in my teen years, Big Mom would always be the one to tell me that I was beautiful and that my mother was the one who was nuts (even if it was clearly me.)
Even as she became increasingly unable to cook and clean and do laundry for herself, she maintained a fierce independence. If she could do it for herself, she did it; and she did it without fear.
She was a proud woman: proud of her family, proud of her grandkids and her great-grandkids; and fearless of “old age.” She read the Bible and studied it in books with increasingly larger fonts; she completed crossword puzzle after crossword puzzle to keep her mind sharp. She had an uncanny ability to win Yahtzee game after Yahtzee game. And, she loved Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune. If you had the chance to watch Watson the supercomputer on Jeopardy the other day – well, Big Mom was kinda like that.
We used to say that Big Mom was like a cat – she had 9 lives. When she would get sick or something would happen where we would need to go to the hospital, this family would rally around her. Many people here spent countless nights with Big Mom in the hospital. We’ve read her many Bible verses, completed many crossword puzzles with her.
About 2 years ago, Doctors thought that it might be Big Mom’s time. She seemed to understand that this was the consensus – all of the family came to visit her in the hospital. We were filling out a crossword puzzle and no one could figure out a 4-letter word for a musical instrument when, from the hospital bed, we heard her faintly say, “Oboe.”
Later that week, Big Mom and I had a few minutes alone in the hospital. She looked at me and said, “I think I might die, now.” We always had a relationship where I was very honest with her and I told her, honestly, “I think you might, too.” She seemed to process this information for a minute, and then she said – “But, maybe not.”
She was right – it wasn’t her time, then. But it was her time, now.
Now, you can be sad – I’m sure there’ve been many tears these last few days as we mourn our loss of such a powerful light in all of our lives; but I’d like you to think about this: Big Mom was alive to see every major life event of all of her grandchildren. That’s a blessing.
Even more so – Big Mom was around to have real relationships with all of her great-grandchildren. That’s a blessing.
She wrote in the front of her Bible the “Keys to a Happy New Year” from Norman Vincent Peale’s “The Power of Positive Thinking:”
“Keep your heart free from hate, your mind from worry. Live simply, give much. Fill your life with love. Scatter sunshine, forget self. Do as you would be done to. Try this for a week and you will be surprised.”
Big Mom didn’t just try that for a week – she tried for all 97 years of her life. We could do worse than to emulate her habits.
Saturday morning, my mother was going through some of Big Mom’s Bibles. The Bible surprised her when it fell open to a verse Big Mom, herself, had bracketed off. 2 Timothy, 4: 6-8:
“I say this because I won’t be around to help you very much longer. My time has almost run out. Very soon now I will be on my way to heaven. I have fought long and hard for my Lord, and through it all I have kept true to him. And now the time has come for me to stop fighting and rest. In heaven a crown is waiting for me which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will give me on that great day of his return. And not just to me, but to all those whose lives show that they are eagerly looking forward to his coming again.”
For those of us that saw Big Mom after she passed, I’d like to offer this: Big Mom lost her husband almost 20 years ago, her friends have gone through the years, her two favorite dogs – Maddy and Samantha – are gone. And the woman was convinced by doctors for the past 60 years that a sugary dessert would put her in the grave. Can you imagine a world without chocolate?
She staid for us. She lived for us and for the Lord. Now it’s time to let her go be with all of the others who she loved and lost in order to be there for us.
Big Mom passed with her mouth open but, if I had to hedge my bets, I’m willing to say that she wasn’t trying to say Goodbye to all of us – that was what the Bible verse was for.
She was about to say a big ol’ “Hello” to the Lord, take her crown and hold hands with Big Dad. She was about to feed Maddy and Samantha from a dinner table in heaven. She was about to eat a huge piece of chocolate cake.
Now is the time for Big Mom to stop fighting and rest. She scattered her sunshine. She filled her life with love.
And, though we mourn OUR loss of this woman whom we loved, we must also celebrate her life and now, her time in heaven.
Come to think of it, Big Mom was really a pretty “Big” person, afterall.
Let us pray:
Dear God,
It’s me, Kimmi. I’m down here with a whole bunch of people who want to let you know that you’ve got a very special lady up there with you. If you could see it in your heart to give her a message for us, we’d appreciate it: We love you, Big Mom. We thank you for the years of love and devotion and sunshine you gave us. We thank you for your life devoted to Christ and the example you set for us to live up to. We thank you for being a true Christian and for loving us and being there for us. You are missed more than you could possibly know.
God, thank you for letting us have her as long as we could – we know heaven is a better place now for her presence. Please provide us with the comfort we need to mourn our loss and still celebrate her life. Please keep her safe and, God? Get that Yahtzee board fired up for her. She likes that.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
The Best of Everything: Save the Date
If you're a long time reader, you may remember my struggle over the "Save the Date" cards, which I wrote about here. You may also remember that I left you hanging -- I never posted what the cards looked like, what card company we used, the fonts, the style, nothin'.
It wasn't fair to you, readers, and I apologize for that; but, never fear! The recaps are here! And, now I can show you our "Save the Date" cards without further hesitation:
It wasn't fair to you, readers, and I apologize for that; but, never fear! The recaps are here! And, now I can show you our "Save the Date" cards without further hesitation:
The "Save the Date" cards started as a plain, tri-fold ecru card from William Arthur, before the aforementioned Leslie Englander, of Party Plus in Richmond helped us turn them into something truly special.
Let me make this really clear: I LOVED our "Save the Dates." They were so US. And we could have never done it without Leslie's creative genius and our 4 hour session at Party Plus. Seriously, go see her. Immediately.
The top/front of the card reads, "The happiness of your life now depends on the continuing to please a single person. To this all other objects must be secondary." This quote really meant something special to me throughout the wedding because (1) it was from Thomas Jefferson (wahoo-wah!); and, (2) it was pulled from a letter Mr. Jefferson wrote to his daughter a few weeks after her marriage. Now, if you know me in real life, you know I have a very special relationship with my Dad. I've never admired anyone more, actually, but don't tell him that because he'll get a big head. I love that this quote is from a father to his daughter. And, I think it really set the tone for "A Wahoo Wedding."
Love. Love. Love.
The second page of the tri-fold card was spent on the reason for the Save the Date -- the names, the date and the purpose!
And, the third page was spent on the "nitty, gritty details." So, if someone were to hang the whole thing on their fridge, it would look something like this:
(Sorry for the poor background. I was simultaneously doing work and taking pictures!)
But, do you know what I thought was really special about these cards?
The font.
That script-y, handwriting-y lookin' font? After Leslie spent a long time looking, she found Thomas Jefferson's handwriting (or a very near match) in font form.
I die.
So, I haven't revisited these cards in probably upwards of 6 months and I still get the same giddy feeling --and I think that might be the goal I had in mind when planning this wedding. I wanted to feel giddy. If you're looking into doing any kind of paper for your wedding (invitations, save the date's, programs, etc.) I have 2 pieces of advice: (1) do what you love and the people to whom you send these things will love them, too; and (2) keep it classy, but keep it personal. Your wedding is about you and your future husband -- and when you revisit the choices you made surrounding your wedding, it will be the details that you remember, the little things that made that day special.
For me, one of the things that truly made our wedding feel like "ours" is our Save the Date cards.
What are the details you remember?
Ten Ways to Reveal the Crazy
copied directly from Miss Prairie Dog at Weddingbee.com (because I really agree with everything she's sayin'!):
In my occasional board lurking, I’ve noticed some discussion of how soon is too soon to get engaged. Personally, I don’t see relationships as measured by units of time so much as the types of experiences you go through together. There is one thing that I think gets glossed over in the discussion of relationship quality, and this is it: you can hide your crazy for a really, really long time in a relationship.
I mean…that is a lot of what happens in dating at first, at least for me. I tried to reign in my idiosyncrasies in an attempt seem normal for as long as possible. Back then, Mr. PD never saw me in a cranky mood or in anything but a cute and date-appropriate outfit. It’s not that I wasn’t being myself; I was just getting to know him. Soon enough, I got a terrible cold, and he was introduced to my “big whiny baby” approach to health care. After that, my quirks trickled out steadily, and now all of my weirdness has unfurled in full glory.
He did the same thing. And although he is freakishly sweet and thoughtful, Mr. PD was a brand new person to me the first time we were stuck in traffic when he was really hungry.YIKES.
So, here are the top 10 crappy experiences—in no particular order of crapitude—that I think change and mature a relationship. Or, at the very least, bring out true colors.
1. Get really, really lost in an area you don’t know. Preferably away from intelligible signs and possibly safety.
2. Wait in a really, really long line (recommendations: amusement park, Christmas Eve shopping, Harry Potter midnight showing).
3. Get stuck in inexplicable, stand-still traffic. Bonus points if you are hungry or one of you really has to pee.
4. Have a restaurant experience worthy of a scathing Yelp review. (How people react to poor service says a lot about them, I think.)
5. Deal with being sick together. Not sniffles sick. I’m talking flu and incoherent-fever sick, post-surgical-delirium sick, stomach-pyrotechnics sick.
6. Meet each other’s extended families, the ones that won’t be on their “good behavior” like your nuclear family might be.
7. Get embarrassed in front of each other. I don’t embarrass easily, but I have had a few bright-red-face moments with Mr. PD.
8. Experience tragedy—real, gut-wrenching tragedy. Not that I would wish this upon anyone, but the truth is that it happens to all of us.
9. Spend a fair amount of time apart. Not like a long-distance relationship, necessarily, but a good week or two at a time. Chances are good that this will happen for one reason or another in your lives together, and it’s good to see how you fare on your own.
10. Experience any situation which compromises your sleep and/or cleanliness. My personal best includes a camping trip (sleeping on the earth…not really for me) in which I barely slept in a rain-soaked tent and awoke still reeking of campfire and mildew. I was a real treat on the ferry ride back, but he stuck with me.
It’s not that I think you need to complete all ten to be “ready” or something. There will be many more for us, and that’s OK. These minor annoyances and major heartbreaks…they’re kind of a blessing. They knit you together as a couple, give you the opportunity to step up and be there for each other. Half of ours are inside jokes or funny stories, and they’re some of the best squares in our patchwork.
Anything to add to my little list? Have you done any of them?
In my occasional board lurking, I’ve noticed some discussion of how soon is too soon to get engaged. Personally, I don’t see relationships as measured by units of time so much as the types of experiences you go through together. There is one thing that I think gets glossed over in the discussion of relationship quality, and this is it: you can hide your crazy for a really, really long time in a relationship.
I mean…that is a lot of what happens in dating at first, at least for me. I tried to reign in my idiosyncrasies in an attempt seem normal for as long as possible. Back then, Mr. PD never saw me in a cranky mood or in anything but a cute and date-appropriate outfit. It’s not that I wasn’t being myself; I was just getting to know him. Soon enough, I got a terrible cold, and he was introduced to my “big whiny baby” approach to health care. After that, my quirks trickled out steadily, and now all of my weirdness has unfurled in full glory.
He did the same thing. And although he is freakishly sweet and thoughtful, Mr. PD was a brand new person to me the first time we were stuck in traffic when he was really hungry.YIKES.
So, here are the top 10 crappy experiences—in no particular order of crapitude—that I think change and mature a relationship. Or, at the very least, bring out true colors.
1. Get really, really lost in an area you don’t know. Preferably away from intelligible signs and possibly safety.
2. Wait in a really, really long line (recommendations: amusement park, Christmas Eve shopping, Harry Potter midnight showing).
3. Get stuck in inexplicable, stand-still traffic. Bonus points if you are hungry or one of you really has to pee.
4. Have a restaurant experience worthy of a scathing Yelp review. (How people react to poor service says a lot about them, I think.)
5. Deal with being sick together. Not sniffles sick. I’m talking flu and incoherent-fever sick, post-surgical-delirium sick, stomach-pyrotechnics sick.
6. Meet each other’s extended families, the ones that won’t be on their “good behavior” like your nuclear family might be.
7. Get embarrassed in front of each other. I don’t embarrass easily, but I have had a few bright-red-face moments with Mr. PD.
8. Experience tragedy—real, gut-wrenching tragedy. Not that I would wish this upon anyone, but the truth is that it happens to all of us.
9. Spend a fair amount of time apart. Not like a long-distance relationship, necessarily, but a good week or two at a time. Chances are good that this will happen for one reason or another in your lives together, and it’s good to see how you fare on your own.
10. Experience any situation which compromises your sleep and/or cleanliness. My personal best includes a camping trip (sleeping on the earth…not really for me) in which I barely slept in a rain-soaked tent and awoke still reeking of campfire and mildew. I was a real treat on the ferry ride back, but he stuck with me.
It’s not that I think you need to complete all ten to be “ready” or something. There will be many more for us, and that’s OK. These minor annoyances and major heartbreaks…they’re kind of a blessing. They knit you together as a couple, give you the opportunity to step up and be there for each other. Half of ours are inside jokes or funny stories, and they’re some of the best squares in our patchwork.
Anything to add to my little list? Have you done any of them?
Thursday, December 23, 2010
The Best of Everything: Honeymoonin'
I threw together this little video of all of the pictures we took on our honeymoon. Hope you enjoy!
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
The Best of Everything: Out of Town Guest Boxes
I cannot think about our wedding without hearing this song in the back of my mind. There is no reason for this -- the song was never played during the wedding ceremony or reception. But, I vaguely remember putting it on the band's setlist for "last song of the night." They ended with "Shout" instead. Regardless, this will always be the song that triggers "OUR WEDDING DAY."
As we wait for our photographer to wrap up our professional pictures, I thought I'd begin our recaps with one of the big details about which I shared little-to-no finalized information with you previously: the Out of Town Guest Boxes (known in the wedding industry as the "OOT Guest Boxes")!
Here's a statistic that most of you probably do not know: 82% of the guests that came to our wedding came in from out of town (OOT). This meant that we knew from the very beginning of planning that we had to provide something at the hotel for these guests to be able to know where to go and when to be there. If it were up to my dad, this would mean an envelope at the front desk with a list of directions. But, I begged 12 months out to have free reign on the OOT goodies and was granted it -- and so the madness began!
Only a few weeks after Mr. Wahoo Wedding (whoa, he's not Mr. FWW anymore!) proposed, I stumbled across Mrs. Cloud's post on her OOT boxes on the popular wedding blog, Wedding Bee.
Inspiration was born.
OOT boxes became a necessity and before anyone could stop me, I'd ordered 100 white gable boxes from Papermart.com. Should you, too, decide to go this route let me make a few suggestions: (1) Read what you're ordering carefully -- I almost ordered 2 cases which would have been 200 boxes (way too many!). There are 100 boxes per case. (2) I ordered (as did Mrs. Cloud in this picture) boxes that were 8×4⅞×5¼. I was very optimistic about how many things these would hold -- they don't hold nearly as much "stuff" as pictured above (honestly, I don't know how Mrs. Cloud did it) which actually happened to be perfect for me. If you want to hold more "stuff" you may want to order 1 size up. (3) These little suckers are pretty difficult to transport -- they don't stack when full and they take up a lot of room to stuff. Make sure you have a plan before you order them -- we barely fit the 80 boxes we needed in the back of my mom's SUV to take them to the hotel.
Here's what we started with:
80-ish white gable boxes after we put them together. Do you see the labels on the front? No?
Here, let me give you a closer look:
They read "A Wahoo Wedding" in orange, followed by our names in navy, then "The fourth of December, Two thousand and ten." The silhouette is that of Thomas Jefferson -- I tried to carry Mr. Jefferson throughout these boxes as a tie in to our UVa theme (he founded the University).
We printed these labels ourselves and, though they did not come out quite as crisp and clear as I would have liked, they served their purpose and saved some money on printing. I used Avery labels purchased at Staples and downloaded the template to Microsoft word in order to format them.
Then came the goodies inside! Here's what we used:
x 2.
I wanted to use the little water bottles a la Mrs. Cloud because they were cute.
My father wanted to use the full size bottles because they were practical. Plus, 2 full size water bottles fit perfectly in the bottom of the gable boxes.
Mrs. Wahoo Wedding: 0; Dad: 1.
(Also, I really wanted to make personalized labels for the water bottles but I kinda-sorta-mighta run out of time...oh well, the best laid plans... Did anyone notice? Probably not!)
A map of Virginia, a Virginia Winery Tour map, and 2 Virginia is for Lovers bumper stickers.
Where did we get all of these things, you ask?
Well, that's easy -- from the lovely people at the Virginia Tourism website available here! Not only did we received enough maps and bumper stickers to give out to an army, we also received the 2010 Virginia Travel Guide, and the 2010 Virginia Guide to Golf Courses for everyone -- unfortunately, we couldn't fit them all in the boxes!
Now, I'm going to let you in on a little secret -- you can get all of these things for free!
FREE?
Yes, FREE! No shipping. No handling. Nada. You request what you need and the boxes appear on your front door step approximately 2 weeks later. This was one of the most pleasant discoveries I found during wedding planning.
(And yes, I know they're not actually "free." That's why I pay my taxes.)
Also, x 2.
I was so excited about using these peanuts for a few reasons: (1) They're little 1 ounce bags -- the perfect size for a salty snack; (2) They might have the best name for a wedding treat...ever. Hubbies =adorable; and (3) My mom's college roommate is the owner of the Virginia-based company, so it was great to know that not only were we supporting local, in-state business, but also that we had a personal connection! Big bonus!
(Side note: if you've never had Hubs peanuts, they are the best in the state - bar none. Go here to get some for yourself!)
We also threw in a handful of Hershey's kisses --
because who doesn't want to enjoy some kisses with their hubbies?
(When we were putting all of these boxes together I started to get a little delirious and found this sort of question EXTRA hilarious.)
Then the hard work started:
My father carefully typed out the directions to all the places our guests needed to go for the weekend.
And then he wanted to just stuff it in the box with everything else.
As you can imagine (since I'm crazy about details) that was not going to fly.
I had to make it pretty! I had to make it MEAN SOMETHING!
Thus, this little baby was born.
This project, though it took a long time (too long) to format, ended up being very helpful for our guests and something we received a lot of positive feedback about -- yay! If you were opening up our OOT box, this would be the first thing you would see.
Then, when you opened it, you would see the places you needed to be and some recommendations for dining options in the area.
But the back was my favorite part...
Places to see and THE MAP.
The map was a last minute addition (ie I made it the Wednesday before the wedding and we cut some information off of the welcome packet to fit it on the back). I had wanted a map for a long time: I'd investigated etsy, had contacted some local printers, etc. etc. and I'd learned one thing -- to get a personal map designed for your wedding was an extravagant and unnecessary additional cost. I was bummed (but quietly so -- if I had gone to my parents and said I wanted a personalized map on top of everything else, they might have changed the locks and moved to Florida.)
Finally, the Wednesday before the wedding my wedding-blog-browsing paid off, again on Wedding Bee.
Mrs. Ballet Flat had a full tutorial on how to make your own wedding map right in Powerpoint. Now, I don't own Photoshop and if I did, I'd probably be pretty lousy at it because I had reading instruction manuals (go figure), but I can handle me some powerpoint.
See? This was her finished map:
And, this was mine:
Now, the map didn't end up being quite large enough for it to serve as a replacement for those great directions my dad took all that time typing out, so we were able to stuff his directions inside of these packets -- then they looked great AND served a purpose! Anytime a wedding-related thing acheived this duality, I'm pretty sure an angel in heaven got his wings.
But, we weren't done yet -- all of these boxes had to be closed up and "pretty-fied." This is where Mom came in:
She looks happy, but in her head she's trying to think of ways to kill me without landing herself in jail.
I would like to say that I dutifully spent the better part of 4 hours closing up boxes, tying ribbon to the top, and then carefully curling the ribbon with scissors so that it looked beautiful and festive...but I didn't. Mostly, I spent the time getting stuck on the floor between the twin beds, singing songs with nonsense words, complaining about how much my back hurt and what a terrible idea this all was and how if I could do it again I would elope (for real, when you get down to these sorts of details, all of a sudden it seems as though you're at the base of an insurmountable mountain,) and generally being obnoxious. Without my mother, I can honestly say that these boxes would have never gotten done. Ever. In a million years.
So, thanks Mom!
Want to see the finished product?
All dressed up and ready to go!!
(Picture quality may be grainy due to the fact that all pictures of the OOT boxes were taken using my Blackberry when I was stalling from putting the boxes together and tying the ribbons.)
Monday, December 20, 2010
Hey, guess what?
....we're MARRIED!!!!!!
Over the next few weeks I will be starting my recaps, giving you some inside info on the "big day" and generally attempting to restore sanity to my life (of course, with the holidays, this may be easier said than done!!)
Don't give up on me yet -- the best is yet to come!
Over the next few weeks I will be starting my recaps, giving you some inside info on the "big day" and generally attempting to restore sanity to my life (of course, with the holidays, this may be easier said than done!!)
Don't give up on me yet -- the best is yet to come!
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Dad's stuck!
We're all going a little batty -- here's Dad trying like mad to get the printer to work!
Where Are We Right Now?
We are a-hustlin' and a-bustlin'...we just finished table cards, Dad's about to kill himself over place cards, our Out of Town Boxes are creeping towards a conclusion, Mom is about to burn down the dining room over table placements, and yours truly is probably going to have to pop a cork on some wine in the next hour or things may get ugly...
...don't worry, dear readers -- this is all done truly in love! We're SO excited for the weekend --
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday...AND THEN IT IS FINALLY HERE!!
...don't worry, dear readers -- this is all done truly in love! We're SO excited for the weekend --
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday...AND THEN IT IS FINALLY HERE!!
Trust, but Verify
I woke up completely calm this morning.
Evidentally, having 6 days to go until the wedding brings an almost zen realization that, at this point, very little is still in my control.
The details of a wedding, or any large event, weigh heavily on the planner's ability to trust.
Ronald Reagan and my former boss both said, "Trust, but verify."
Trust is not something that comes naturally to me. I am type-A, OCD about details, and I have a tendency to be stressed out. All of the time. I do not trust that things "will fall into place" or "everything will work out."
What the last year has taught me, however, is that I am both right and wrong. Things do not just "fall into place" - it takes planning, hard work, dedication to detail, and lists (and lists and lists) and execution. Everything doesn't just "work out," either. It also takes hard work.
But, at this point, we've done the hard work. We've planned. We've listed. We've executed.
Now, we must trust.
This morning when I woke up, I realized that though I do not trust the weather, nor the coordinators, nor the vendors we're using (because that's just my personality), I DO trust the people I love.
I trust that Mr. FWW will dress up and show up and be on time.
I trust that the groomsmen will do the same.
I trust that my "Of Honor's" will be there for me this Friday and Saturday.
I trust that my family will shed tears during the ceremony.
I trust that my bridesmaids will be happy and smiling and beautiful (well, mostly because they can't help but be all those things and that is why I love them!)
And, I trust that no matter what happens, all of the people we love will make Saturday the most magical day in our lives.
That trust is not something I have to verify.
Evidentally, having 6 days to go until the wedding brings an almost zen realization that, at this point, very little is still in my control.
The details of a wedding, or any large event, weigh heavily on the planner's ability to trust.
Ronald Reagan and my former boss both said, "Trust, but verify."
Trust is not something that comes naturally to me. I am type-A, OCD about details, and I have a tendency to be stressed out. All of the time. I do not trust that things "will fall into place" or "everything will work out."
What the last year has taught me, however, is that I am both right and wrong. Things do not just "fall into place" - it takes planning, hard work, dedication to detail, and lists (and lists and lists) and execution. Everything doesn't just "work out," either. It also takes hard work.
But, at this point, we've done the hard work. We've planned. We've listed. We've executed.
Now, we must trust.
This morning when I woke up, I realized that though I do not trust the weather, nor the coordinators, nor the vendors we're using (because that's just my personality), I DO trust the people I love.
I trust that Mr. FWW will dress up and show up and be on time.
I trust that the groomsmen will do the same.
I trust that my "Of Honor's" will be there for me this Friday and Saturday.
I trust that my family will shed tears during the ceremony.
I trust that my bridesmaids will be happy and smiling and beautiful (well, mostly because they can't help but be all those things and that is why I love them!)
And, I trust that no matter what happens, all of the people we love will make Saturday the most magical day in our lives.
That trust is not something I have to verify.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Will you Buy me THIS?
Steinway & Sons Limited Edition Lilly Pulitzer Piano
Doesn't every girl need this in her house? No?
But how awesome would it be a Lilly Pulitzer inspired wedding reception...amazing.
Photo Source: Momist.com
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
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